Two Thousanleven.

A week into 2011 and I am still working off my holiday hangover. No, this doesn't mean that I went on some kind of crazy drinking bender from Halloween through New Year's. If I had, I would probably be dead and you would have gotten some far more exciting blog posts (from when I was drunk, not some kind of creepy, post-death blog haunts). 

This hangover is the kind where I become bitter towards how holidays fall on the calender. How is it fair that we get three magical months containing Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas before crashing down onto the cold and depressing months of January, February, and March? Yes, each of these months has a holiday. A LAME holiday. Let's review:

New Year's. A whole lot of build-up with a minimal yield of excitement. You spend the whole night drinking and watching a ball on T.V. Then you finally get to do a countdown for the clock to turn midnight and...nothing really changes. Happy New Year! Now you get to date all of your papers and checks wrong for the next month and try to figure out if you are going to go with "Twenty Eleven" or "Two Thousand Eleven" and how to say the latter without it coming out as "Two Thousanleven." So many syllables. I think I'll just pick a time each day to get wigged out about when it finally hits. "Three! Two! One! Woo! It's 2:34 p.m.!" I don't see people getting annoyed by that at all.

Valentine's Day. It's only made for people who have a significant other and even then there is no guarantee you will get a good Valentine's day. (Though if other people's men are like mine and got them a wireless router for Christmas, they will be needing to do some Valentine's Day damage control. And Mark, I know that you will end up reading this. I love you and your gift to me on our first married Christmas of faster internet was, ah, beautiful and romantic. Just know that chocolate, jewelry, stuffed animals, and spa treatments are too. 'Nuff said.) Frankly, I can't fully enjoy a holiday I feel apologetic for knowing that there is such a strong movement against it. It's more like I Am Sorry I Am Not Single And Get To Enjoy This Holiday Day. And you certainly don't want to be that jerk that gushes on and on about how in love you are and your Valentine's Day was just perfect to a single or recently broken-up with friend who will just sit there and have one of those daydreams where they picture themselves strangling you like in the movies. It's a very precarious holiday. Very much indeed.

St. Patrick's Day. I don't get this holiday. You wear green and get drunk. I can do this any of the other 364 days of the year. And you run the risk of forgetting to wear greenand people continually pinching the bajeezus out of you all day. How is this even fun? Plus, we just stole it from the Irish and bastardized it like so many other holidays we celebrate here. Talk to me again when there are real leprechauns who take you across real rainbows to real pots of gold. Now that's a holiday.

I guess I should be appreciative that we have any holidays at all these months and take what I can get. It's not like May, June, or August have much going for them either. (Except August has my birthday, but that's become somewhat of a lame holiday as well.) But at least they are warm. Now I am just stuck inside watching T.V. But at least Grover likes T.V. too.