But It Means We're Passionate!

Last Wednesday was Mark's birthday. Because he is a few years older than me, during our relationship I tried to take every opportunity that I could to remind him that he was almost 25, which was halfway to 50, which was almost dead. Well, this birthday he actually turned 25 and I woke him up with a card expressing that I certainly was not going to remind him of his proximity to being an old geezer. I'm nice like that.

When I got to work, I hopped on the computer and of course the stalker feed had a list of all the people who had wished Mark happy birthday on Facebook. Now, recently Mark and I went to see The Social Network at the movie theater, which is basically the story of how the guy that started Facebook is the biggest asshat in the world and we should be ashamed of ourselves for making him a gazillionaire. Or at least that is what I got out of it. Also that Justin Timberlake is still extremely good-looking. So the fact that movie isn't enough to make me give up Facebook Crack (Oh, yes. Diet Coke is just a gateway drug compared to Facebook Crack.) makes me squirm a little on the inside every time I log on.

But that morning, I automatically typed in my obligatory "Happy Birthday, Husband of Mine!" message on Mark's wall, hit send, and froze. I already saw Mark earlier in the morning and wished him a happy birthday. And I was going to see him that night to celebrate his birthday with him. He was already very much aware that I acknowledged his birthday and subsequently wished him good tidings...so why did I robotically feel compelled to wish him a happy birthday on Facebook as well?

Maybe subconsciously I thought that if people looked at Mark's list of Happy Birthday wishers and saw that my name was conspicuously absent they would think, "Wow, that Beth sure is a horrible wife. She can't even take a moment to wish Mark happy birthday on Facebook, and therefore we can naturally draw the conclusion that she obviously doesn't love him." No, it does not make any logical sense, but how logical can we be if we are addicted to something where we can take care of virtual farm animals, find out which character from Twilight we are, and stalk an ex's new love interest all in one sitting?

I am certainly not going to bash Facebook because it does possess a lot of qualities of merit. Positives: reconnecting with old friends, getting the word out about an event (or a blog!), sharing funny videos or stories. This is the purpose of Facebook for me. But it does come with Negatives: having to involuntarily find out tidbits of information that people mistakenly think are important about themselves (i.e., what they had for lunch, how much they love their significant other, what song lyric they decide to be mysterious and vague with by putting as their Facebook status, etc.), risking your parents and/or other family members becoming your Facebook friends (Love you guys. I have nothing to hide.), getting invitations to fifty things a day that you don't give two shits about.

The biggest downside is that Facebook has propelled us into the Too Much Information Age. Unbeknownst to many people on the World Wide Web, there is such a thing as oversharing and people are getting ridiculous with it. The most recent example I can think of ended up launching me into a tirade of a whole different nature. One of Mark's friends had a convoluted status on Facebook about how he loved his girlfriend but at the same time hated her as well, but that was all okay because it meant they were passionate about each other.

Okay, first and foremost, you really don't need to be displaying your relationship drama over Facebook. Contrary to what you may think to be true, no one cares. If they do care, they will engage into some kind of meaningful interaction with you to find out how things are going with you and your boo and convey that they are emotionally invested in your problems. You know, like a text message saying "R U & sally doin ok?"

Second of all, I don't know where people get the idea that if two people are dating and are ripping each others' throats out every five seconds, it means that they are "passionate." Newsflash- it actually means you are delusional and the rocking make-up sex afterward simply indicates that you are horny. Not passionate. And it makes me passionate about wanting to smack you in the face.

Now if you will excuse me, I have to put the fact that I have a new blog post on my Facebook status...